Managing an individual can be simultaneously the most rewarding and frustrating task. To see someone learn and blossom is a gift, however this experience is often peppered with the daily angst of wondering why they do things so differently. Why don’t they check in more? Why aren’t they taking notes when I assign tasks? Why don’t they say when they don’t understand, instead of struggling?
I will attempt to answer these questions from the perspective of my 1 year old son, and how walking the daily tightrope between guiding him, and letting him make his own mistakes has led me to becoming a better people manager.
1. Give me a safe space to experiment and be myself
All parents do some level of baby proofing of their house, to give the child the opportunity to roam and explore without the risk of injury. Although I am not suggesting you need to hide your desk scissors from your treasury analyst, they need to work in an environment in which they feel psychologically safe. Where they can raise ideas without judgement, they can tinker with system sandboxes if they choose, create new reports and propose metrics without fear of condonement. Yes, there are priorities and tasks to be done, but to truly learn there also needs to be space to experiment.
2. Don’t correct me right away, let me figure it out
There are fewer things more frustrating than watching a toddler open a carton of juice upside down and spill it all over themselves. The pain however of losing their precious juice is a life lesson we all need to learn, none more so than the parent who has to clean up the mess. Sitting back and letting someone do things differently from how you would do it, is tough. You hear many managers saying things like “it would be quicker if I did it myself”. Of course it would. But unless you want to open their juice carton until their 50s, you need to learn to let go, let it happen and let them learn.
3. Teach me new things, but not too many at once.
Bombarding people with information never works, although we persist with 2 week long onboarding programs of intense presentations. Of which an estimated 4% of information is absorbed**. When we teach our children we play the long game, we say new words and concepts little and often. They actually guide us to do this, as they ask some questions, which we readily answer and then the next day they will ask some more. By giving them consistent access to our time to raise such questions we slowly build up their knowledge bank until the time comes they are ready to go it alone.
4. If you’re with me, then don’t get distracted. It’s very annoying.
If I pick up my phone so much when I am looking after my son he will either snatch it off me and throw it, or shout in my face until I pay attention to him and only him. Whilst it is not acceptable to do this in an office environment, we all know how annoying it is to be speaking to someone at work who is typing on their laptop, or who is already working through their action points for the meeting in real time. Shut the laptop, hide the phone and be present.
5. I have a natural energy cycle, respect it.
I would not dream of starting a new activity with my son at 12pm, unless I want a full scale meltdown. Mid-morning however, he is at his peak, is happy and ready to engage. Most people have their own style of working and we need to learn this to get the best out of our teams.
Often it is the simplest of ideas which are the most effective. I hope your journey as a leader is rewarding despite the challenges and the tips in this blog help you think a little differently about how you approach your new 1-1 or team meeting.
** This statistic is entirely made up, but still probably true